Day 2: The Return of The Ex

Coral was mocking my gem collection, Hank was dabbing his milk moustache away, and I was stretching my typing fingers, getting ready to share a Saltine recipe with my readers.

On my third thumb rotation, Hank received a text alert notification on his phone. He jumped up and screamed. Jumps are frequently used in our line dancing routines, but screams are not often heard in our condo unless, you guess it, there is an emergency. I raced over to Hank's side; Coral casually lumbered over. It was her day off from the tavern.

Does your ex texting you a picture constitute an emergency? If the picture looks like this, I think you need to alert the neighborhood watch. Thankfully, I am a better spy than Neighborhood Watch.

Hank: Oh no, this is terrible.'

Coral: She looks like a good time.

Pritty: Her crown and necklace are cute, but it looks like she is drinking. Tsk Tsk. Who is she?

Hank: That is Princess, we dated years ago.

Coral: You dated a cat named Princess? I can't imagine that.

Hank: We grew up together. Her birth name was Penelope Cruz Fitz Gerald. What a beautiful name, sigh. She was eloquent, had classical music training, and whiskers that went on for miles.

Hank stares into space. I thought he was having a seizure, turns out, he was reminiscing.

Coral: She sounds like your purr-fect match.

Hank: She was, until she ditched me for the teenage girl next door.. The girl named her Princess, and all heck broke loose. Penelope lost her love for jazz and started listening to rock n roll.

Coral rolls her eyes.

Coral: Oh no, not rock n roll.

Hank: We tried to reconnect years down the road, dated briefly for a couple of months, and played in an underground jazz quartet, but she was too self-absorbed. She hung out with a group of alley cats who called me Hanky Panky.

Coral: That's hilarious.

Hank: It is not. I finally had enough of her flirty ways after she became big in the cats of Instagram community, and I had to leave her behind. She said the adoption agency took up too much of my time, and I wouldn't let her record TikTok dances there anymore.

Pritty: Do you really think she would burn our condo down?

Hank: She is a scorned musician; there is no telling what she may do.

Coral: Oooh, is she going to write a sad love song? That has never been done before.

Pritty: Thankfully, we live in a highly secure condo. The new door buzzing technology will surely keep any troublemakers out.

Coral: You know that more than one person, or cat in this case, can come in the door at a time.

Pritty: Gasp! I thought it was an individual buzzing system. Heck, in handy, where are my tools?

Hank: What are you going to do?

Pritty: Add a door slamming contraption after every person enters. And I'll add a sign that says, No Princesses allowed. That should do it.

Hank: I don't think you are allowed to tamper with the doors in the lobby. Coral, what could a guy do to get you to leave him alone for good?

Coral: Well, I lose interest in a guy if he burps or farts.

Hank: Oh, I could never stoop to that behavior.

Coral: You could tell her you are living with a cat lady now. That would scare anyone off.

She points to Pritty, who is hyperventilating into a plastic bag.

Pritty: Can you contact your friend at the FBI, The Feline Bureau of Investigation?

Hank: What crime has she committed besides one of passion?

Hank begins to tear up.

Pritty: Crime is crime, you can use my handcuffs.

Coral starts laughing.

Coral: We aren't calling the FBI or handcuffing anyone, how do you two function when I'm at work, geez. Can't you just block her number?

Pritty: And I will mail her a copy of Phillip Early Lovely's new album, Sad Love Songs for Cats.

Coral: No, she doesn't need your home address.

Pritty: Oh, Coral, what would Hank and I do without your love advice?

Coral: You can quit worrying about this, Princess, and turn on Days of Our Lives.

Hank stares solemnly out the window. Hank dramatically taps his phone screen.

Hank: I have decided to block her. She is now out of my life for good.

Pritty: I will bring you some comfort, Saltines, Hank.

I am going to tend to Hank's heart now, and all three of us are going to watch Days of Our Lives.

The Days of Our Lives (Hank, Pritty, and Coral) will resume when Hank feels better and I have secured the condo from a Princess.

Hugs and nervous Kisses,

Pritty